New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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