I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
