THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
