My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
