if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize