He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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