Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
