im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
