Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
