I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
