If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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