About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
