Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize