dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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