absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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