We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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