who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
