take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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