i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
