The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
