Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
