Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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