he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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