Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
