Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
