Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
