Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
