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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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