Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
