also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
