The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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