Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
