The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
