so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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