I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
