I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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