I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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