i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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