Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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