Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
