just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
