Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
