I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize