I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
