Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
