Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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