I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Couch. On fire.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
