you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
