booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
