i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
