I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
