Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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