She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
