the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
