he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
