i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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