Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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