Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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