i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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