I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize