Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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