and you said cock pushups were impossible
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
