hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
