never play flip cup with pint glasses
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
