nut hugger
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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