how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
