So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
