Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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