highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize