You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
