yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
