.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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