U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
