We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
