The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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