just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
