my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
