Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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