She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
