I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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